Found Those Big Girl Panties Afterall

This day has been packed full of emotion but I expected no less. The Rise and Shine alarm sounded at 4:20am which allowed for plenty of time to get my morning "business" taken care of and get on the road headed to the gym. The difference in today and every other day in the last few weeks that involved me and the gym was that I had a meeting with Tony for my Fitness Evaluation. Knowing that I had been reckless with my eats for weeks prior made this visit even more dreadful than usual. But...the only way to reset is to face the demons that led you down that path and get on the right track. Therefore, that's exactly what I am doing this week. I had been doing pretty good with my eats from Sunday until yesterday but when I go off program...I do it up right. I ate enough chips and salsa at dinner for a Sumo wrestler so I figured this morning's weigh-in was likely to be frightening. Surprisingly, it wasn't any worse than it had been on Sunday so guessing I might had dropped a pound or two prior to last night and then BAM...right back up I went. Oh well...let's not cry over spilled milk. That is behind me now!

The evaluation consisted of several different steps. Initially, Tony had me weigh-in without shoes and then he measured my height with shoes on. I measured 65.5 inches with shoes and 205.8 (dressed with no shoes) on his scales. The results this morning on my home scales (and naked) was about the same (205.0) but I know that all scales vary a bit so I will stick with mine for the routine weight-ins since I probably won't see Tony's scale again for about 2-3 months. My overall goal in this next 4 weeks is to leave about 8-10 pounds of fluff behind without sacrificing my lean muscle mass of 137.7. Tony shared a couple of examples of folks that crash diet and end up sabotaging their lean muscle mass but barely change their fat mass. My Body Fat is currently 33%. This is not to be confused with my BMI which is 33.9 by the height and weight calculations.

Next, we returned back to the desk and he took my blood pressure and resting pulse. Wahoo! Finally, a number that I can be OK with for the time being. BP: 109/68, Pulse 65. Truth is I have rarely ever had BP elevations but my resting heart rate has improved over the last year or two with all the exercise. It used to be in the high 80s. I'll celebrate those numbers for sure.

After those measurements, he took me to the indoor track and had me walk a brisk mile. I really don't like that track because you have to do 9 1/4 laps to make a mile which gets quite monotonous. Either way, I completed it in 14:58. Shins burning and breathing a little heavier...my post-workout heart rate was 120. I am hoping that I can continue to improve that pace over time but not too worried about that for now.

I won't bore you with the details of the next testing but I will just say...IT WASN'T PRETTY!

My results of the "Sit and Reach" test made me look like a stiff old woman that couldn't reach her toes in the sitting position if her life depended on it. Those hamstrings weren't giving! Then...the "Partial Curl-ups" results were disgraceful with a whole 8 reps. A score of 28 was considered GOOD and 42 was excellent. This simply tells me that the busted can of biscuits that I am carrying around my waistline aren't worth a flip. My core strength SUCKS!

On the upside, I qualify to be part of the Healthier You program that Vanderbilt offers. It's geared toward helping those fluffy folks like me with a BMI greater than 30% with meal planning and ideas to make good choices part of lifestyle rather than a quick fix. I am excited to speak to their nutritionist so I can learn new ways to meal plan on days that I work out as well as rest days. I am waiting on a callback from their scheduler to arrange my first visit. I think it is more like a support group setting after that initial evaluation. I am open to new ideas so you better bet that I am jumping in with both feet. 

So....where did this evaluation lead me? Well, it took me straight to the elliptical to knock out 45 minutes at a steady pace and then home to sulk. I simply needed this day to get my mind right and put my big girl panties on. Good news! I am renewed. 

I do need to share that my Sole Sisters, Krazy Kinser and Hurry-Up Huddleston, are so much more than workout buddies for me. They knew I was in a bad place yesterday and this AM and reached out to me to lift me up through encouraging texts and "We've got this!" Also, the FB followers on the blog are a great cheering section. I am so very thankful for the continued outreach of support that my friends provide during these valleys in my journey. Even my Marine offered some great advice as she texted me her words of wisdom. They resonated with me so I had to add them to the chalkboard frame that sits on my kitchen counter.

Needless to say, this AM was a wake up call. I enjoyed a Mint Chocolate Brownie Meal Replacement Shake on my way home from the gym. I got busy with a few household duties and decided to play a little. I put together a craft that will help me visualize those pounds lost over the next months. My goal for 2015 is to lose 50 pounds and I've been using #50in2015 on my Instagram tags, etc. Each poker chip represents a pound of fluff gone! I will weigh in once a week and move the chips accordingly. These jars will be sitting on my counter with the quote from Dannah behind it as a reminder that it's a journey. She told me that "if the journey was easy then the results would not be worth it." I love that kid!

My lunch was quite yummy and on the healthy track. I stumbled upon these Salmon Burgers at Costco a few months ago. I love them for the quick fix and high protein choice. You just have to cook them for about 8 minutes from frozen in a skillet. No oil needed. In addition, those Marketside and Dole bagged salad mixes at the grocery are great for eating alone or on a low-carb/wheat wrap (I use about a cup) with the salmon burger chopped up. Yum factor=9 and way filling.

 

Well, it's dinner time now and my sweetheart just walked in. So...I am heating up some leftover Black Bean Chili and calling it a successful day. I'm super pumped about heading to the gym tomorrow for an early AM workout to kick start my day. I will be meeting with the personal trainer tomorrow evening to develop a fitness plan to help me meet my goals.
My mind is clear and re-focused so stay tuned for those poker chips to be moving their way to that other jar this week!

Eyes Wide Open

Eyes wide open!

That would best describe this day.

I woke this AM with more ambition in my little pinky than I've had in my entire self in several weeks. 

Thankfully, I had the oppurtinity to go to the grocery with my hot. bald man and my girl to gather the necessities of the week (and month given the checkout total) for eating cleaner and healthier. 

Funny how you tend to tally a few extras when you have the tagalongs of a 17 year old with a healthy appetite and a fella that loves to eat the meat and 3 routinely. Nearly $425 later, we are leaving Wally-world with 2 baskets of food and etc.

After getting the groceries unloaded, I managed to get a little food prep completed.  Savory Herb Turkey Meatloaf, Pork Roast, Salmon Burgers, and Black Bean Chili later...my culinary talents were at a Sunday standstill. It was time for a few pavement miles before sunlight had found it's sleeping bag in the West. 5 miles of pavement, sunshine, and Pandora. Seriously, should Sundays be this good?! Yes! 

Savory Herb Meatloaf

https://www.facebook.com/FluffyAndFiguringOutFit?fref=nf

Here's the link if you are interested in the recipe.

I can't begin to thank each and every "Fluffy" follower for hanging in there with me through my challenges. 

I weighed in this AM with a whopping 204.4. This is approximately 19 pound above where I was at my "lightest" about 6-8 mnths ago. What the hell happened? 

Truth is...I started to forget the obvious...,,my goals. I consistently showed up but didn't perform. My exercise routines have suffered. My elbow to mouth routine had proven to be shear sabotage. Truth...I haven't kept my goals in front of me. But....those days have to go bye-bye. I am tired of starting over!

You must be aware that the first mile was with my canine as she stopped and smelled every blade of grass and fire hydrant along her 0.62 miles. The remainder of these 5 miles were up and down hills of my neighborhood for a classic loose "ribbon" on the map.

Today's intake:
Breakfast: Mint Browine Chocolate Brownie Meal Replacement Shake and AdvoCare Fiber Drink

Snack: Small Bites Jerky (1 serving-80 calories)

Lunch: Herbed Turkey Meatloaf (1 serving, 1/8 loaf)

Dinner: Black bean chili with a few croutons (Yes, that takes the perfect place of cornbread)-1 1/2 serving

Snack: Taste tested the Pork Roast (2-3 ounces)

Of course, I added 2 servings of Spark to this day and about 86 ounces of H2O. #NotEnoughWater

So...tomorrow's plan consists of wrapping of loose end with house keeping and buying fresh veggies at Publix. Then...I will hook up with Krazy Kinser at the gym for yoga at 5:30pm.

Am I feeling awesome? Absolutely!

Let's do this peoples!

Own this life of yours.

Come Hell or Hot Yoga!

Yesterday...Saturday 530am...I found myself waking before the alarm sounded with sheer excitement over the 8am appointment marked on my daily agenda. Just days before, I had agreed to do Hot Yoga with one of my awesomesauce friends, Angie. Yes, that would be me...a newbie to yoga and I was signing up for a hot yoga class. The only exposure to yoga that I had prior was in my bonus room doing the P90X3 video with Tony Horton. Needless to say, that was never pretty since it was happening at 430am on rare occasion and I was definitely struggling to keep up with beast mode like he leads.

After I tossed a boiled egg and a couple of slices of bacon plus my morning Spark in my belly, I loaded my yoga mat, a towel, my Rehydrate in a shaker, and a Quest Bar for post-workout in a bag and headed out the door. 45 minute drive to the destination gave me plenty of time to mentally prepare for the fun to be had.

Upon signing in at the Unity Yoga Room, I suddenly had this butterfly feeling in my gut that seemed to be telling me I had bitten off more than I could chew. What triggered this? Well, could it have been the temperature in the room escalating by the second to that goal of nearly 90 degrees or the realization that the class was not an hour as I had planned? It was 90 minutes! 90 minutes of nothing but hard work and high temps for this fluffy and over 40 chick. But...I had paid my $15 so I was committed.

My buddy, Angie, had so kindly unrolled my mat and placed my bath towel on it. I looked around the room only to see that many folks had mat-sized towels all stretched out. Ooops....the towel was meant to lay on your mat rather than to simply wipe your brow. Oh well, I was determined that I would probably not need a beach towel to sop up the sweat like some folks must need. After all, I had my BondiBand on my head, absorbent yoga pants and a stretchy Dri-Fit shirt that would surely suffice.

As the instructor, Daryn, started the class, I was pretty comfortable in my decision to enjoy the class and make the best of the situation. After all, I reminded myself that getting outside of my comfort zone was part of my journey toward getting stronger and making new memories. Finding alternates to running is very important since you need cross-train days as well as a wide range of core strengthening exercises to be a well rounded athlete (or wanna be). Then...the bottom fell out.

About 20 minutes into the workout, I realized two things. First, my towel was insufficient. I was starting to sweat in places that I didn't know existed. Sweat was beading up on my arms and face and running down my back like a steady trickle from a leaky faucet. Second, I was completely out of shape. How can I run for miles but feel breathless while engaging random muscle groups in static holds for brief periods? Jeez a meez, this yoga crap must be for total freaks of nature that were born with super powers.

Oh....then the fun continued. We alternated the most common yoga moves multiple times, and I quickly realized that not only can I not keep up with the moves in a Zumba class but I can't switch from Downward Dog to High plank without face planting once or twice. I've heard of "two left feet" but seriously....could I be more awkward with my arms and hands? Daryn continued to remind us to "have fun with this" but all I could think of was "do no harm."

And then...I had a perfect idea! Of course, I had no clue how long I had endured the torture chamber of challenges at 90 degrees but I was sure that I had earned bonus points for my first time as a "newbie hot yogi." Therefore, I started planning my escape. Wonder if any one would notice or even care that I had picked up my big blue mat that was pooled with sweat and made my way toward the door? I mean seriously...I didn't know a soul there except for Angie and had no intentions of gracing the doors of Hot Yoga again in this lifetime. Surely Angie would forgive me since "at least I tried." Well, considering I was strategically (unfortunately) placed near the center of the room, there was no discreet way to exit. Fact: I was stuck!

Thankfully, within a few minutes later, Daryn brought the workout back to a slow roar as she instructed us through chair pose along with several other do-ables for me. Needless to say, I was simply in survival mode. "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" kept playing over and over in my mind. She continued to bring us further to the floor into a position that I will refer to as the distorted pretzel. My left leg was tucked in front of me and my right leg was stretched behind. As I stretched out over my left leg and rested my elbows on the floor, the sweat running down my face pooled below me on the mat. I tried to reach for the corner of the towel but it was just too far out of my comfort zone to grab. I was deep in thought with listening to Daryn's voice speak into the room. She clarified that if your hips were struggling to relax in that position then the pain directly related to stressors in your life that you needed to release. I took a cleansing breath and allowed my back to relax and sink into my pelvis. I think that is part of "becoming one with your mat" so maybe...just maybe...I was finally getting the gist of this yoga stuff. Within seconds of relaxing, I felt tears stream down my face. No, this steady stream was not residual sweat...it was definitely coming from the inner canthi of my eyes. These were not tears born from physical pain. They were seemingly an emotional release of sorts. Dang it...I was trying so hard not to like this horrific experience.

By the time the background music was drawing to a close, I had maneuvered my way to the corpse pose as instructed. My entire body felt lifeless and heavy. I could feel my heartbeat in a perfect steady rhythm and felt my lungs expand against the mat. The ice cold cloth that Daryn placed on my forehead as my eyes remained closed was such a welcomed touch after the hard labor I had endured under her direction. I was drenched from head to toe. My clothes couldn't have been more soaked if I had been caught in a torrential rain for an hour.

After my 90 minutes in what seemed like the pit of hell, I was truly feeling revived and renewed. So...the honest truth...Yoga is definitely a nice addition to my life of "working on a better version of me." I will make it a point to find time in my week for at least 1-2 hours of this type of experience. Would I recommend Hot Yoga? Absolutely. Perhaps not Power Hot Yoga for 90 minutes for newbies. Who knows...maybe that is what it took for me to believe that you must give it all to the mat and the workout and not hold back for fear of challenge or failure. After all, I am a slow learner.  I will say that I was among about 20 others in that room yesterday morning at 8am but can't tell you how anyone else looked or performed. That 90 minutes was truly about finding myself and improving on my baseline rather than comparing myself to those "true Yogis" around me in their own pools of moisture. I know very well that "comparison is the thief of joy." Thankful for friends like Angie that believe in me and encourage me to step out of that comfort zone and for instructors like Daryn that don't judge the weak while encouraging all to find that inner peace.

Namaste...

Going 1/2 Crazy!

My life has taken many turns over the last 3 years but this one is noteworthy.

Dating back to April 2011, I was crazy enough to do the Country Music 1/2 Marathon. For a gal that had rarely ever even walked a mile without feeling exhausted, 13.1 seemed a little hypothetical until I actually committed. I trained with Gilda's Gang in support of those that have struggled with the big C word also known as cancer. I ran in memory of my step-father along with a dear HS friend and in honor of my father-in-law and uncle. As part of the commitment to the Gilda's Club, we were to raise at least $750. I struggled to get donations and definitely didn't have the cash to donate from my own budget. An old HS friend of mine had planned to train with us as well but life's noise got in the way so she wasn't able to participate. She surprised me and rolled her fundraising into my account so I met my minimum with flying colors. Now that's just plain good stuff! Long story short...15 weeks was still not enough time for me to train effectively but I still gave it my all and completed that 1/2 marathon in just over 3 hours.

Over the course of the last 2 1/2 years, my uncle and father-in-law have succumbed to the cancers that they had battled; in addition, my mother-in-law had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and lost her battle within this last year as well. I still feel an emptiness in my life where these folks once inhabited but my memories are full of all kinds of wonderful as I remember how each of them touched my life individually. Leading up to this Fall/Winter season, I had contemplated running the Country Music 1/2 again but wasn't certain about the training plan just yet.

Fast forward to today...
That old friend of mine sent me a FB message to inquire if I might be interested in training for the Country Music 1/2 Marathon again. She mentioned that she had trained back in 2010 with Team Rio and would like to give it a shot again. This was definitely music to my ears! Ironically enough, Team Rio supports the United Cerebral Palsy Foundation in Middle TN, and I just happen to have someone to run in honor of this year. This little fella (now 13 years old) came into my life a little over a year ago and has continued to brighten my Sundays. He is my little angel that continues to remind me of why I became a nurse and encourages me to live each day to its fullest. So...I am honored to get to train with Team Rio for this 1/2 marathon in April 2014.
Sign me up!

"Bod"acious

Me and my guy waiting for the Bod Pod assessment

As promised, I am sharing my Bod Pod results as reassessed yesterday after approximately 2 months of continuing my pursuit of "figuring out fit." The truth is...I have been more reckless with my eating than I should have been since the last assessment. In the process of this 2 months, I went ahead and completed another 10 day Herbal Cleanse which definitely reset those cravings back to "could take or leave them" instead of "just one won't hurt." On the upside, I have really focused more on moving this bootie and toning up the flab with running/walking on the treadmill plus a little resistance training on some of the weight machines at our gym.  The scales haven't changed drastically. In fact, I have only reduced my total weight by about 5-6 pounds over the last 2 months.

So...without further delay:

Reggie explained that I had great results but not a true 15+ pounds of muscle building in 2 months. He clarified these findings more accurately as a recovery of my muscle loss that I had been left with after the 2 years of "dieting" rather than focusing on filling those nutritional gaps with supplements and eating cleaner all while balancing exercising. Regardless of the analysis, he wanted me to know that I was making great progress but it is time to get serious about reaching my goals. He said the key moving forward is to keep the Fat Free Weight (aka..muscle mass) in place while reducing the fat %. The recommendation of 1500-1600 calories a day and continuing my current exercise routine was duly noted and gives me a nice guide post for the next 2-3 months. With all this being said, I can honestly say that I am so very glad that I didn't let the scales dictate my mood or deteriorate my motivation.

Yes, I went there.

_______________________________________________________

I wanted to go ahead and include a little recap of my race today as well on this blogpost. My sweetheart, me, and my oldest girl (not pictured because she does not do cold nor mornings..hehehe) made our way down the road to Springfield, TN to run the Farm Bureau Holiday Run in Historic Springfield. We have watched the runners and cheered them in for the last 2 years but I wanted to be one of them this year. Sign me up...cold or not! The race was just the beginning of a day of fun since we also enjoyed the Christmas parade as it rolled through town and pigged out on a huge Thanksgiving spread with the family at my brother and sis-in-laws house (aka...The Carousel House).

Wowzers, it was chilly! The "coolest" part was that this was my first cold weather run EVER! I was a little concerned about how my lungs would fair but I was totally impressed that I didn't struggle with my breathing. The hills maxed out my legs so I had to walk briskly up 2 of the largest hills I have ever seen. If it tells you anything about the incline, my heart rate never dropped below 155. If you have ever run up a steep hill like these then you know what I mean when I say it felt like I was running in quick sand.

Despite this chilly, Fall day and all the hills, I still managed to score a new personal record for a 5K. My average HR was about 165 with holding an average pace of 11:08. I went back to look at one of the last 5Ks I did recently in my home town and realized that it was not measured correctly by the race/timing officials. I was puzzled that I had completed a 5K in under 33 minutes when my previous best had been over 36 just a few weeks prior. So...I went back and reviewed my Garmin and the Booby Bolt race was only 2.96 miles instead of 3.12. My last true timed 5K was in Nashville (listed below) with a pace of 11:47 and total time of 36:34 which dates back 2 months ago. As I shave off almost 2 minutes of my 5K and increased my pace by about 40 seconds, it looks like I have made progress not only in the Bod Pod but also on the pavement in the last 2 months. Hallelujah! AdvoCare Performance products are really showing their stuff in this fluffy body as it figures out fit. O2 Gold, Arginine Extreme, Spark, Muscle Strength, and Catalyst are my new best friends.

After feeding my face with all my favorites including mom's oyster casserole and dad's turkey cooked in the Green Egg, we have made our way home for a relaxing evening at home. A perfect ending to a great memory making day...VANDY WINS over UT 14-10. Sweet dreams folks. :)

Hanging in the Balance

After losing right at 80 pounds and finding that you can shop in the "regular size" department after about 20 years in the "plus size", that you can now do most anything you desire including RUNNING and that you feel pretty stinkin' amazing for owning your place in the "over 40" crowd, it's extremely easy to get comfortable and complacent. It seems easier to focus on how far you've come because that number is bigger rather than on how far you still want to go in this journey before you get to that "happy place" on the scale and in the jean size that you would love to feel amazing in without waiting on them to stretch to fit. You know what I'm talking about...those jeans that will fit better once you make the car ride into work. Heck, some days I just need that immediate reward and just want them to feel awesome right out of the dryer.The truth is that 80 pounds always seems to look better than the 25% more effort that will be required to get to goal.

That all being said...just know that I am avidly working and balancing self-acceptance with self-improvement. Love this reminder from a friend: "So why is a car's windshield so large, and rear view mirror so small? Because our PAST is nothing compared to our FUTURE. Look forward and move on."

I have scheduled my recheck in the Bod Pod for this Friday. Honestly, I am super excited and scared to death all in the same breath. Reggie will deliver the good, the bad, and the ugly all together with his analysis of body fat % and lean muscle mass as I sit in my skibbies in the egg.

After we joined Planet Fitness about a month or two ago, I have made it a point to be more active and more dedicated to weight/resistance training. My UPband trending results show that I have averaged over 300,000 steps in September and October which is up from around 250,000 in the previous months over the summer. This crisp, chilly Fall weather is not holding me back because I am on track to knock out about the same for November or better. My eating habits have been less than desirable but I have managed to drop about 5-6 pounds in the last 6 weeks and my clothes are fitting less snug in some of the right areas..namely my bootie and mid-section. I am hell bent that I am not going to be held captive by the scale but it is still a nice reminder on occasion that we are accountable at many different levels in life...even those below our feet..hehehe

Last but not least today...I MUST SHARE this clip with you.
We are given the opportunity to reset our thoughts each day that our feet hit the floor. Without much thought, I choose happiness! However, I still struggle on what I see in the mirror and how my afternoon happy factor may take a nose dive if I allow myself to count the wrinkles around my eyes or on my neck let alone the bad hair days that end up making me have that "fresh out of bed" look no matter how much product I use.
So...take about 3 minutes and follow this link. We all owe it to ourselves to view ourselves through the eyes of others. A big thank you to my dear friend, Linda, for sharing this with me this morning even though it started my water works before the work day had begun.
http://www.upworthy.com/2-people-described-the-same-person-to-a-forensic-artist-and-this-is-what-happene?g=2

Finding myself renewed

I am...
   a conqueror, fearless, more, the answer, chosen, changed, a leader, a teacher, a mom, destined, decided, a daughter, a sister, whuth speaker, a wife, a truth seeker, alive, radiant, loved, brave, real, motivated, a champion, a fighter, disciplined, resilient, a believer....

There are not enough words in Webster to describe what my eyes and ears experienced this weekend, but I MUST share just a piece or two that started a rumbling inside of me that simply won't be settled.

Just a few of my favorite people that I had some face time with  this weekend.

Flashing back to the August AdvoCare Success School in Texas, I purchased my ticket to attend the AdvoCare Ladies Alive 2013 event here in Nashville as scheduled this weekend. I knew that I would need a renewal of inspiration about this time of year given all the pressures of work, family, finances, planning holiday celebrations, etc. so I didn't even hesitate to pay the $29. AdvoCare never seems to do anything half way so I was sure the money would be well spent. However, as Friday rolled around, I found myself wishing that I had not signed up to go. The voices in my head kept repeating, "It would only be $29 wasted and I could spend those 8 hours with my family. After all, I rarely get a whole weekend free to enjoy them so that's what I need to do." But...I knew that my friends were counting on me to be there, and I was not about letting them down. The truth is that those friendships that I have developed and rekindled in the last 9-10 months mean the world to me, and I wouldn't want to lose what I had gained all because I was being a bit lazy and feeling withdrawn. I mean seriously...I recognized that about myself back in August when I initially purchased the ticket. I need inspiration poured into me routinely, and AdvoCare events tend to do just that. SO....I put on my big girl panties and made my way to the front doors of Two Rivers Baptist Church just in time to see hundreds...I mean hundreds...of women filing in to register and get their goodie bags filled with great gifts such as a bracelets with "Powerful" and "Empowered" stamped boldly on them. As I was snapping this picture of my keepsakes this morning, I realized that I had one of my other inspirational pieces stacked with them..."The journey is the reward." How very true that is!

1,200+ women with similar goals in life all gathered in one place to allow hope and inspiration to be poured into their hearts. Yep, that's exactly what my eyes experienced within the first 10 minutes of my arrival.

Friday night was filled with story after story of success with weight loss, overcoming financial struggle, and the affects of believing in yourself.

I learned that I must possess 4 weapons for battle in this life.
1. DISGUST (with my current situation)
2. DESIRE (for a better life and for change)
3. Be TEACHABLE
4. Possess the WILLINGNESS TO WORK

The honest truth is that I am disgusted with the time that I must spend away from my kids and the man that I love on the weekends. I have realized that my weight loss efforts are truly part of a journey. I have the desire for relief of these circumstances and need for change. I feel that I am teachable. I am definitely not afraid to work.
However, there must be a 5th weapon that is the very key to being a difference maker. That 5th attribute is definitely....DON'T FEAR STEPPING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE.

Now those that know me would probably agree that I am pretty outgoing and not afraid of change. I will not hesitate to start something new and encourage others to jump in feet first with me. My fear lies with acceptance. I want the likability meter to be pushing toward the top when folks think of me. I have tried to adopt the attitude of "who cares" but I just can't seem to completely take ownership of that idea. My sweet husband tells me that I fret too much about making everyone around me happy. But...maybe that's what makes me who I am. I think most people have a desire (some deeper than others) to be accepted and needed. Now all that being said, I have had some real personal growth over this last year that has allowed me to appreciate what I am today rather than mourning over what I am not.

On a side note...
At this very moment, I am sitting up in the bed typing these words while my hubby is laying next to me listening to his music through his headphones. I have to giggle as I overhear "Better Class of Losers" playing. Brilliant words spoken by that 'ole Randy Travis. Ok, ok...I know you think...this chick is crazy. And...you may be correct :). Now, back on task to sharing...

As the conference reconvened on Saturday morning, I can't describe the feelings that were stirred in my gut as I heard women sharing from their heart about the challenges that they face in this life. Being the CEO of your own company is not without challenges, fear, and frustrations. Along with their honesty and transparency, they were quick to share that we must be careful not to compare our backstage with the highlight reels that were being shared from that very stage, on the Facebook pages of our friends, and in casual conversations in our daily life. Struggles are abundant in everyone's life. The real challenge is being transparent about those struggles but not letting them hold you back from building a better life for yourself and breathing life into those around you.

If I am completely honest with myself, the fear of being "that girl" that walks around talking about vitamins or chatting it up about the importance of healthy lifestyle is what keeps me locked in that boxed comfort zone. I would rather people come to me for those answers rather than me offering them an opportunity like what I have my hands on. Crazy, huh...I know. But...that all goes back to the fear of people not liking me. The truth is that we should all be into taking better care of ourselves with better nutrition, intentional exercise, and adding the best supplements on the market into our life to fill those nutritional gaps. After all, we are only given one vessel to carry us through the storms of life.

All this talk makes me reflect on a conversation that I had with my teenage girls not long ago. One of them asked me if I was popular in school. I replied, "Well, no, not really. I just had a group of friends that I hung out with that accepted my average." The truth is...AVERAGE is sufficient...but finding my AWESOME would be stinkin' amazing. That leads me to one of my favorite lines shared from stage yesterday. "You will become most like the 5 people that you share the most time with." Guess what?! How very true that is. Just know that I am bent on surrounding myself with positive, motivated people that hold me accountable and challenge me to find my awesome. Thinking outside of that comfort zone is right up there with exercising and eating right everyday for me because it's the only thing that will make a difference in my tomorrow.

I am renewed and have a "decided heart" to be a difference maker. I will seize each day and accept responsibility for my future. (Thanks to Brooks Reid)
My "minds eye" tells me to step out of the comfort zone and not limit myself to only what my eyes see but to allow myself to dream again. Allowing myself to do things that are uncomfortable is my new challenge.

This Daily Affirmation  is a quick clip that everyone must experience. Just click and watch.
We all need to take some pointers from this precious blonde-haired beauty.

Final words...
I am working to believe in myself and all that I am meant to be.
I refuse to be trapped by small minded thoughts of my own and of others.

A quote that a dear friend shared with me during my struggles last week.

I am ALIVE and POWERFUL!